I’ve never met Laura but I already know I don’t like her

He’s full of her, his new work colleague. Laura this, Laura that. She’s so clever, sees through management’s stupid demands, gets to the core of the client’s issues, charms them with her logic and her poise … She’s articulate, funny. The team haven’t laughed so much since Laura joined them.

The first time he mentioned her I was intrigued.
‘Where’s she come from?’ I asked.
‘That’s the best bit.’ He snorted a laugh. ‘The competition. She managed their client database, got lots of contacts for us.’

I frowned. ‘Can she share them with you?’ Seemed dishonest to me.
‘Bits.’ He grinned. ‘The stuff which if you looked hard enough, you can find in the -‘ he air quoted ‘-public domain.’
‘Hmm.’
‘Saves us time, and of course she knows these people, can give us verbal steers on how to approach them.’ His smirk wasn’t pretty. Unlike Laura, who apparently is very pretty.
‘Is it working?’
‘Early days yet.’ He shook his head at my business ignorance. ‘These things take time you know.’
After a week I was thoroughly fed up with Laura’s brilliance, humour and insightful business prowess.
The next day, he came home late, very late, after messaging about a crisis he had to help fix. Really?
I ate dinner alone, staring into my phone, tapping my fingers on the table. He stumbled through the door at 11 pm, tie awry, hair mussed, the aroma of scotch hanging lightly on his clothes.
I said nothing, waited.
‘Still up?’ he said.
‘Yeah.’ I crossed my arms. ‘Waiting to hear about this -‘ I air quoted ‘-crisis.’ I gave an exaggerated sniff. ‘That leaves you smelling like a brewery.’
He fell into a chair. ‘Short attempt to drown our sorrows, once we knew she’d succeeded.’
‘Huh?’
‘That bitch, Laura, stole our whole customer database.’ He wrenched off his tie. ‘Gone back to the competition.’
I’d never met Laura, but I already knew I’d like her a lot.

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